January 2011
1 post
I want the night.
December 2010
1 post
I want to feel beautiful again.
My self-esteem has been so low. I wonder if any one has noticed. I feel so disgusting.
November 2010
7 posts
“Since there is no such entity as ‘the public,’ since the public is...”
– Ayn Rand
How do you put up with my obsessive ways?
Nagging feel in the pit of my stomach the curve of my back. Tell me what you must, Do not let it be truth. Fiction, I cry. Imagined garbage, I weep. Stop this churning mess, Before it swallows me.
Guess what. I’m actually going to start posting my art.
October 2010
6 posts
I feel so unmotivated.
School work is keeping me so down. Not seeing David mostly. Car business is too much. I need to punch things Complete lack of transportation makes me want to rip my arms off.
I had fun this weekend. I had a great time at Susan’s costume party. I talked all about art and how I pick myself up out of ruts. I totally in one right now. I though foxes were the answer. They’re a part of it....
I'm not joking
when I say I need a punching bag. My arms hold so much contained, unexpressed energy. Art is indeed an outlet, but I need something physical here. I need to fucking punch something!!
I feel like destruction.
I swallow all the important things so you wont have to deal with me.
I wish I could spend these beautiful days with you.
I hope everything is okay.
September 2010
12 posts
Perhaps there’s some use in being useless.
Or maybe I’m being too hopeful.
Sometimes. Okay, most of the time, I feel like I don’t matter to anyone except for you. Thank you.
I'm still sad.
And sometimes it really doesn’t depend on what time of the month it is.
I wish something would happen. There’s only so many lies I can tell myself.
Defiance Ohio will be the pillow that catches my tears, the shoulder that I lean to cry upon.
Don’t make promises you won’t keep!
You’re working against yourself int the end.
I’m always afraid that it’s me who messes everything up.
Is it just going to end like this? So abruptly?
I try to hold it in when I’m around other people. I get so sad whenever I’m alone.
You'll never know!
Because you’ll never notice!
You’ll never notice because I won’t let you.
I want help. I want help. I want help. I can’t keep it up if I get crushed every time I try to see you. I won’t call. It’s so hard. It’s so hard because I love you. Because I always want to be around you. I always want to talk with you. And now I can’t.
I told you I was...
I hold so much in.
Sometimes I wish I could break and let it all out.
Go ahead.
You will lose me.
What would I be like if you hadn’t found me first? I’m not saying I don’t like that you did. But, How does one know when they’re done dating someone?
I just keep wondering why you can’t be just a little more like them. I keep wondering if maybe, being with someone else would be better with me. It’s a legitimate worry I’ve had. I just wish you would reach...
Lonley.
Even in my dream. You were right next to me, yet I was still uneasy.
August 2010
24 posts
Everyone, except Doozy, is trying to keep me down and I’m fucking tired of it.
I will
Pick up these pieces and remake things myself. Just like always.
All the things I've dreamed of
You make me feel like I’m not worth the effort.
Why can’t we accept men for men? Why can’t we accept women for women?
Does the individual count to you? Do I count to you?
I’m going to stay calm and take my time. I will think clearly and rationally.
I will succeed. I will do this to further my horizon in life. I will use this as a catalyst into the world I wish to create for myself. Please wish me good will.
WHY CANT I HAVE MY CAR BACK.
IF I HAD MY FUCKING SAAB I WOULDN”T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THIS FUCKING BULL SHIT. I WOULD HAVE PASSED THE TEST THE FUCKING FIRST GODDAMN TIME.
I WOULD RIDE MY BIKE TO CLASS, BUT WAIT. MY TUBE IS TOO FUCKING BIG FOR THE TIRE. GO FIGURE. I CAN”T GET A TUBE BECAUSE I DON”T HAVE LICENSE OR A BIKE. GO FIGURE.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
IM GOING TO FUCKING FAIL MY TEST AGAIN. WHY CAN”T I FUCKING BORROW A SMALL CAR?! WHY CAN”T ANY OF YOU SEE THAT YOUR CARS ARE TOO FUCKING BIG. The only people willing to fucking help me eith this are my grandparents. Their car is still too big. I can’t do it. I’m going to fail. Then, I won’t have any way of getting to my college classes. FUCK MY LIFE.
All I want is to see you.
Until then, I’m going to be a moody blob. Please let me see you soon.
If don’t deserve to be noticed. I’ll make things for myself. I will bring myself up. I will free myself.
What's the point?
I know the game you're playing.
Are you scared?
No, you needn’t be afraid of someone like me. For now. But, one day I will have more then enough strength to end it.
WHAT IS THE TRUTH?
What happened?? I want to know.
I have a feeling I have been living a lie. I need to know.
What’s up? Where ya goin’? Who’s cool? What’s down? My bro, where you been? In the streets, Collecting amazing feats, While you sit and squander. I roam, I fly, I travel, I died.
I just want romance!!
I like how
listening to swing and styling my hair makes me feel better about things. :3
I feel that every time I try to reach out to you all I’m doing is embarrassing myself.
WHEW LETS GETDRUNK
IM SO COOOL
I feel so stupid for trusting you sometimes.
Trust is only for my soul sister.
Ooo! You're so sweet!
I just want my baybeh!
I return nothing. I remember that day so clearly!